What in the hell is this? Tiny stick head and legs poking out of an armored body. And why is it on my tree? [Insert squash sound]

Wheel Bug. Related to the Assassin bug family and beneficial to the garden. They bite so it is best to leave it alone. If you pick them up from the side they can't get you, but they also have stink glands farther back on their sides.

Brent, it's obvious it's a real bug   What?  A real tug?  .  Pretty scary if you ask me.  Space alien.

Yeah by the looks of it seems like it hitched a ride on a meteorite or space shuttle down to earth.

JD, Don't be sending any of those bugs attached to my cuttings!
Suzi

We have tons of them around here. "wheel bug" The bite is much worse than any bee or wasp sting. Numb and itchy at the same time for 3 weeks or more.

I have heard about them bugs, but luckily I have never seen one here in NJ.

Also related to kissing bugs. Go read up on those, fun stories from America del Sur.

Jason--we've got kissing bugs right here in Tucson as well. Nasty critters, with an appetite for human blood if their favored host, the pack rat, isn't handy. I would happily trade them all for wheel bugs or any of the assassin bugs, since those seem to only bite humans in self-defense!

The usage of the term "fun" was a bit facetious. This is the kind of stuff I'm talking about: http://www.forbes.com/sites/daviddisalvo/2012/05/31/is-the-deadly-kissing-bug-disease-the-new-hivaids/

I mention reading up because of how deadly Chagas is. I know y'all have them in SW USA and they're prevalent in Central America as well, but most of the horror stories are from the southern part of Central America and northern part of South America.

Yes, fortunately Chagas hasn't shown up here yet, at least not that I've heard of.

I would be sweeping up a little more often for sure Ken. I feel pretty fortunate that all I have to deal with are deer ticks and minor bites and stings.
The wheel bug that bit me was not provoked intentionally, I was carrying a case of produce and crossing the street and felt something on my ankle. I looked down just in time to see it jam that beak into me and kicked and yelled him off of me. I guess he felt sea sick and wanted me to stop, did not drop the box.

Deer ticks and wheel bugs don't sound like much fun, either. I didn't realize the wheel bugs would bite so readily.

I am the only person I know who has been bit though. They are very slow and clumsy.

I was cutting down some bushes and I got bit by one when it got down my shirt.It feels like a bee sting.

They eat Japanese beetles ...which is good.