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Are there any fig addiction clinics anyone can recommend?

Willing to travel out of state for treatment. Fig collecting shouldn't be unregulated like this...

California is nice here.....we have grapes, avocados, fuji apples, available........I think there is only a few varieties so it should be easier on the wallet...LOL

See the TV commercial of the guy that has started his addiction clinic in Malibu?  Says he was addicted to 10 years, although I think he stated he had a drug problem.  Don't know if drugs are similar to figs though, might be his toughest challenge. : )

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