OK, I can't resist, is a Jazzbass a saxaphone playing fish? Anyway, wlecome.
I am surprised that you didn't like the Celeste and the Hardy Chicago - but people tastes do differ. Also, for the future, some figs have off years, when they just don't taste like themselves. I had several last year which were extremely good tasting, but last year they were not edible- just tasted crappy. So learn to give them a little more time. This year Panache was better than it has been in 20 years. Go figure.
Also, figs are very responsive to weather, sunlight, fertilizer, type of soil (or potting soil), whether they were peed on by a Schnauser or a Poodle, and anything else that can be changed. I have no idea what the difference was last year, that made so many figs really crappy tasting. Maybe a new dog in the neighborhood.