I love dried mission figs, but I've never tasted a fresh fig.  Thankfully, though, a number of the cuttings I got from board members last winter have already started to set fruit.  Most are setting fruit on new growth, but one made a breba on the old wood--the Conadria pictured below:

 
 

It started to get soft yesterday.  Since it was sagging onto the sharp gravel, I slid a piece of styrofoam under it.  I also noticed an ant on it, so I swatted it away and asked a spider to stand guard.  When I checked it today, the bottom side was turning brown, so I picked it.  It didn't just fall off, I had to tear through the neck to get it off.  It looked pretty appetizing when I cut it open:

 
 

But it sure smelled and tasted terrible, like a vinegary bruschetta mix (tomatoes, onions, basil, and vinegar).  Juicy, but no sweetness at all. 

Is this what a spoiled fig tastes like?  Please tell me this isn't how normal fresh figs are supposed to taste...

It could be spoiled. I can't verify that in the picture. To me it doesn't look very good and probably not really ripe. Also breba aren't usually as good as main crop.

I don't like the big watery figs. The smaller ones like Strawberry Verte that shrivel on the bush are much better. Growing conditions have a huge effect on fruit quality especially in a greenhouse. It's easy to over water and over fertilize thereby ending up with watery fruit. Your plant doesn't look too vigorous but something to keep in mind.

Not fully ripe and kinda sad that your  first taste was an unripened fig

BLB hit it on the nose. Wash your mouth out with soap and start over. LOL

From the pic I would say it is days from being ready to eat.

Thanks fignutty, BLB, and newnandawg.  I was totally prepared to wait it out until it was well past ripe (based on what I've read here), but my heart sank when I saw the bottom decomposing this morning.  It was dark brown, rotting, and caving in on the entire bottom, seemed like it would've been reduced to mush by the end of the day.  I think it was just too low on the tree to have a fighting chance, sitting in direct contact with the ground like that.

I'll be curious to taste the main crop figs on this plant, there's about 15 on it that are 1-2' off the ground and will have a better chance to ripen.  I planted my other Conadria in-ground in the dirt in my other greenhouse, so it'll be interesting to compare the different results from growing in different mediums.

Definitely looking forward to the tastier varieties.  From what I've read, Conadria seems to be my least tasty variety (even when it ripens nicely), so after starting with an unripe spoiled Conadria breba, the season can only get better from here :)

I was pretty taken aback by the smell and taste of vinegar in the fig, so I googled to see if that's a common sign of spoilage, and I found a thread where Noss says:

 I know what a disappointment that is. The winter of 12-13 I had figs living in my bathtub and one produced a fig.  OMG i was so thrilled to watch that fig developing.  It made the hassle of bathtub figs do-able.  The big day..  That fig was WRETCHED!   For cheap entertainment I give it a 10,  For taste minus 10.

Your first taste of anything might just fall into that awful category!  First taste of whiskey?  Spit it out!  Then you learn.  There is whiskey and then there is Jack Daniels!  A 5 year old fig tree will produce exceptional fruit, but year one... nah!  We don't even let our grapevines grow clusters until they are 4 years old.  Year 5 rocks!  Patience!!

Suzi

I had my first Conadria last year and it was awful.  So were the other 3 or 4.  Seems as if they may be different strains out there.  People that have the good pedigre line get good figs and people that have the questionable line......not so good.  I'm sure I have the "not so good" type.

Give them time!  Give them 5 years, and feed them.  But don't drown them.  They will produce in time.  You need more patience.  This coming from Ms Suzi who has zero patience..Not my best feature...  Hello!  But I did learn.  Patience with fruit trees.  Takes years for any of them to get into their prime!

Suzi