I didn't know Florida courts flew in fig-lovers ... er, jurors from all over the country. Will you put us all up? I'd like a room by the pool. :)

One serious warning however... women have very long memories. My father once pulled out a lavendar orchid my mom had been growing and he planted some zucchini in the area. (You can eat it, right?) He heard about that literally for years.

Frank,

My wife does not care about figs but she understands I have a passion for them.
I don't associate with many people and  spend most of my time away from the truck at home and tending to my figs or fig related stuff.
Yes, I do have a life and do go out from time to time like everyone else but at the end of the day my wife supports me at what I do and helps out when I'm away.

I think your wife's reaction at the beginning would be like a big surprise to her and she would be at awe. But as it sinks in she will come to you and tell you how bored she was of those Azaleas and that she appreciates what you have done. Why, because she loves you. While deep down in her own mind she's thinking what a knuckle-head.

Good wives are hard to find. I know, I have one. And sometimes I can hear what she's thinking.

All in the name of love.

I think you will be just fine 

naw.  She's gonna kill him...

While I think rafed's version of reality is sweet, I don't think it'll be a reality FMD will get to appreciate.

You better buy her something sparkly.

FMD...lol no you did not mention any color but glad your so fond of it !

Answer to your "Question"

Im in the minority just like me favoring dark types as my Wife does not eat figs at all does not like them period but likes fig spread with cheese and like fig bread, i tell ya there wired different from us.

Yes she used to ask long time ago but not anymore "what are you going to do with all them figs" that was until she saw me on many occasions sitting at the patio table eating a plateful by myself daily when there in the height of ripening.

Claim the entire garden you say ?

She does not care what i grow in the yard actually i have veggie garden that i tend to myself along with the fig trees.
The only thing she says some times with a smile "how many times a day can you look at them fig trees " she then smiles as she knows they keep me happy.
What a Gal.

Gina is very correct when she says Woman have very good memory for they dont forget nothing.

Such kind-hearted people to worry about my well being!!

The truth of the matter is, when my wife found out, she brained me with one of her copper skillets and I am now living our of a suitcase in Motel 8 with a bandaged noggin' and a migraine the size of Ethiopia . The worst part is she wouldn't let me take my dog, Bella, Or allow me to say goodbye to her. I won't even  begin to describe what she did to my beloved Calabrian figs. That would be much too painful.to re-live.

Excuse me while I compose myself a moment.

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Well, I've learned my lesson the hard way. Figs are the devil, the devil I tell you. Especially the BLACK ones, Martin.

It's too late for me but not for the rest of you. Repent, I say..Repent....

Send me all of your evil, nasty figs (especially the rare types-the evilest of all) and I will dispose of them for you, so that I may redeem myself in the eyes of my wife.

  Don't read below the line if you believe me.

============================================

Ok, for the real truth: this thread is 100% satirical based on some truths. The topiary azaleas died a cruel death from our last unseasonable freeze (killing 90% of my figs as well), so my wife was actually happy that I pulled out those ugly corpses and planted something green in their place. I am emailing her this entire thread, which she will find hilarious. The part about eating my figs but complaining about the mess I make rooting cuttings is also true.

Frank,

Does this mean we don't get to see you in one of these?

I think you had us all going for most of this, very entertaining, was waiting for the fallout, but I am glad you are still in one piece 

This is FMD's wife....it is Father's day after all and I do know how to forgive. However, I do expect 12 red roses, Godiva chocolates and plane tickets to Venice, Italy (where he can get more fig plants for his collection ) waiting for me at home. If not, expect a similar scene from this photo for my next posting :)

Coming from a women - here is what you do.

Tell her that the encyclopedia salesmen rang the door bell.  You refused to let him in the house so ya'll talked in the doorway for almost an hour.  He admired the topiary azaleas so much that he offered to pay you $100 each.  So you sold them and left the $200 on the kitchen table for her. 

Hello guys/gals, lets save brother FMD.........I will start with a $10 donation to replace the azaleas.......I had some good laughs and my gorgeous wife too.

Thanks Rafed that was a terrifying picture! that could happen to me if I don't
have enough fresh figs for the season!!LOL!

ps. You know how BIG my wife is!!!!!

Paulley -Im not sending him diddly squat after all he says
Figs are the devil, the devil I tell you. Especially the BLACK ones.

FMD
Stay away from the white figs those are the devils temptation that are a dime a dozen and most only average in taste.   ; )
 

OK, lets go in a different direction. Should FMD be banned from the forum for lying to us, soliciting false sympathy, and etc?

Quote:

Originally Posted by rafed
Frank,

Does this mean we don't get to see you in one of these?

Rafed.... all that from a Bee Sting????? 

IF this his first infraction I'd say put him on parole - AND we will have to watch him the way we watch our figs!!

Pssst FMD - I'm with you!  Take back the garden!!  Fignuts unite!!

This "sit-com" just keeps getting better.  I thought I had a warped mind...but some of you have me beat.  It's disgusting, vicious, degrading, embarrassing, and some of the attached images were really disturbing!   This thread has become the Fig Forum's,  "Rotten.com".   Don't stop...I love it!!! 

See the picture of that poor schmuck laying spread-eagle in bed?  I'd pay to see the ceiling fan suddenly drop and hit him, you know where. It would serve him right for looking so ridiculous.  A real Laurel and Hardy sight gag!

Rafed...is that you?  Sorry buddy...I'd still pay to see it...no offense.

Frank

No fair!

If I get banned, Rafed goes with me for misrepresenting the true location of his bee sting.

Although, sympathy from the male members of the forum would have been off the charts.

FMD ...."sympathy from the MALE MEMBERS..."  They could also write?  You-Tube video, please.

Frank

HeyHayHEYheyHAYhey,

I never ever said that was me. LOL
I found this picture when I binged " pictures of people in full body cast".

Some members have seen the hole on my leg privately.
The hole is rather big and deep and looks like it's smiling at me.

Aw dont Ban FMD  Jon for im just getting him to the dark side little by little.

Rafed may take some time as he has some many fig plants he has yet to taste but in the end he will realize that the great tasting dark types far out number the white ones and will come to realization he is wasting space in his yard, time , fertilizer, pots, potting soil, money etc with these the white types. ; )

Martin,

Lying about figs is about as serious an offense as there can be.

Then his sentence should fit the crime!

Make him listen to the Partridge Family album from three months straight. 27/7 none stop



Be Happy

A more pleasant sentence would be hunting for unknown fig trees in Venice. Win-win. :)

You might find a luscious dark fig ..and name it Othello - protagonist from another classic tragedy.