it's been a while since i've posted on of my off the wall questions. due to popular demand, here's a new one.

first, let me say that the rumors about me being totally insane are not true. when i heard these rumors, i checked with some of the ladies at my asylum.

ethel said i'm fine, and she speaks twelve languages AT THE SAME TIME, while standing on her head and wiggling  her toes, so she should know.

then mary said i'm normal, and she spends all day talking to invisible aliens who dance on her head, so you can trust her judgement.

so there.

anyway, my question is about my new neighbor, ms. snake. she is three feet long and two inches wide, and has no rattles. she is definitely a lady because when i ask her to leave my figs so i can tend them, she does. i didn't know snakes have ears, but she does.

since she's moved in, i've noticed that things are more pleasant. my mouse baits are untouched. i haven't seen a rattler either. i think she eats them. even better, if a fig ripens, i get to eat it.

there are birds in front of the house, on the sides of the house, but none in back where she lives.
i'm pretty sure she eats mostly mice, but the birds don't know that.

don't talk to me about silly rubber snakes. sometimes i see her coiled up, other times she lies straight as a ruler, sunning herself, but mostly she hides. you can't see her, but the birds know she's there.

now, i don't wanna make a pet of her and i certainly don't wanna touch her, but she is valuable livestock and i want to put her on the payroll.

but, i don't know how, so here i am. i figger in a bunch of strange people who run around chasing figs. someone knows how to let her know she's welcome.

so, what can i do to keep her here forever? better, how can i get her to make lots of vermin eating  babies?

i've never had a snake friend before, but some of you know about persons of the reptile persuasion.

so. what should i do to make her comfy?

Obviously, you're doing all the right things, so why worry? Before you know it, you'll be overrun with snakes!

Now suffering the heebie jeebies.

giggle. tami. she's a lady! a guard snake is great. sophie, i sure hope you're right, but i wanna do more.

I think the first thing that I would do is to determine exactly what species of snake I'm cozying to up and encouraging to stand watch in my garden. :-)

It seems snakes respond well to music, especially the soft romantic. Plying a flute could do it!

mark, around here they call them milk snakes, but i don't know the real name. it looks like a rattler without the rattles.

Is this it Suzie? If it is, says they eat birds as well.
http://www.oplin.org/snake/fact%20pages/milk_snake/milk_snake.html

If you're going to hire this young lady, location is
very important. You probably won't want her commute
to intersect with yours.

Invert an old (2 gallon) terra cotta pot onto a bed of widely
spaced sticks. The wide spacing of the sticks will help it
squeeze into the pot from underneath.
Then, make a wood pile around and onto the pot.
The tricky part comes next - pick up the snake (gulp) and
drop it by the wood pile. It will be a little stressed, and it'll
seek shelter.
You only need chase it into the wood pile. The rest should take
care of itself.
Wear boots, suede gloves, and carry a long stick.
If you can't get it to happen in 3 minutes, try later.
You don't want your new employee to feel to harrassed.

sal, i dont know how to play a flute. anyway, judging by local, this one would more likely enjoy county western.  no snake is worth listening to that.

tami, kinda, sorta. mine is much lighter. but now that you pointed out i could search this, i did. there are pics of lighter ones. thing is, how does an eastern snake get to new mexico?  if they eat birds, that explains how my figs go unmolested.

i recommend these to anyone who doesn't wanna mess with netting, wedding bags, etc.

geat idea, rutting. i'll do the pot thing, but no way am i gonna pick her up. she's 3' long!!! if she wasn't so nice, i'd run in terror when i saw her.

she hasn't offered me an apple yet....

Is it a bullsnake? If so, they are a huge asset to your property. Same with king snakes, for which rattlesnakes are a natural part of their diet.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullsnake
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kingsnake

milk snakes don't look like rattlers...  Do you have a bull snake or a garden snake?  If it has a lifted nose then you could have a hognose snake.  It would help to know a little more about your friend or possibly a picture. 

ooh, paul!thanks! it's a bull snake! you said king snakes eat rattlers, but i'm pretty sure ms snake also eats them. i usually see 1 or 2 every year. this year none. i'd kiss her if she wasn't so scary.

meghan, it's definitly is a bull snake, and  further reading shows it eats mice, birds, biurd eggs and rattle snakes. is she great or what!!

Bull Snakes are neat.  They can get to be pretty good sized.  Garden snakes are pretty neat too, smaller.  When I was a kid I used to catch those and bring them home with me to let go in the yard.  My parent's house had garden snakes everywhere!  Had to be careful when we mowed the lawn.

Susie , thanks for the thoroughly enjoyable ( still laughing) thread ! I'm terrified of snakes and am soo afraid that we or our husky (she's a hunter) will encounter a water moccasin or pygmy rattler at our FL home. Our neighbors son was bitten by a water moc and spent 5 days in hospital. The snake was on their lanai. 
I'm very happy your ms snake is much more mannered and a worker for you. Does she have any cousins I could contact in FL??

Susie

    Rui's advice is great for creating a little snake cottage. I don't know how big your snake is, but depending in the weather, she will want to eat more or less frequently. If she has played out all the prey, you might want to make sure she has a rodent or two around for meals. Hungry snakes will eat fresh frozen rodents. You just have to warm their meal for them. 

    By the way, I always remind people that  normal is a mathematical concept, the value of which depends on the population.

why isn't the site telling me when someone answers? it used to.
meghan , she is adorable. rattlers scare me silly. i hope she eats every single one.

pattee, thanks for the compliment.  nice to know someone likes my efforts. why  not  find a florida snake that eats snakes.? plus birds n mice. i'm sure lots of snakes make a living that way.

dale, i thot prey had to be live, but if not, i'll see if the pet shop carries frozen mice [ick]. would she eat steak? fresh or cooked? i'd buy her some prime beef and cut it into mouse sized pieces if that will keep her happy. i've read about covering trees with netting, wraping each individual fig in something. when my figs get big, that would take hours. i'd rather pay the snake.
oh, she's 3+ feet long.

Watch out! The next thing ya know, Susie will be placing ads for "mate wanted" on Craigslist! :D

sophie, i'd luv to find her a husband, but i think she'd eat him.

of course, that's one way to avoid arguments about him coming  with dirty feet, or scales, into her nice clean nest.

I wish I didn't kill the Ultimate Fig protector, the rattlersnake, heavy sigh! I miss not having the birds eat all my figs and the rodents gnawing on them!!

RIP little fella! If you weren't so scary and venomous, we could've been friends!

that's why i' so happy with ms. snake. apparently, she thinks rattlers are yummy.

Howie,

    I can't blame you for feeling bad. I'd have done the same thing and felt the same way.

Suzie,

    Good luck with your new neighbor.

thanks, dale. i'm gonna set out some eggs for her, just to see if she likes them.

howie, i've killed rattlers  . it's very unpleasant, but has to be done. i thot of leaving them alone, but then i found out sometimes they strike without bothering with the warning rattle.