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JoAnn749

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Posted Reply with quote  #1 
Some of you may remember I posted about my Mom being hit by a car in June.  I live in TX, the rest of the family is still in NY.  I went up there 2 days after it happene and stayed for 5-6 days.  It was bad, she had multiple fractures - leg, arm, pelvis, vertabrea, ribs and eye socket. 

I went back home for 2 weeks and after numerous conversations with my brother, sister and the doctors, I felt it was in the families best interest for me to be there.  While I was home I needed to do something constructive for my Mom even though I live 1500 miles away.  I hit the net and researched things like widths of road lanes, fatality rates of pedestrians struck bu a car, and prognosis of head trauma for seniors.  The info I gathered was not favorable to my Mom.  My sisther and brother were emotional wrecks and were not absorbing what the doctors were saying - I witnessed this nyself when I was there that first week.  Friends were a bit "too" supportive with phrases like "miracles happen!"  "keep the faith" etc.  I knew in my heart and brain how unlikely a miracle would be for a 79 year old, someone in the family had to be in reality and practicle.

I went back on July 2nd and was on an emotional rollercoaster from the start.  If anyone reading this is a doctor I am sorry to say the doctors were not very helpful or realistic!  She had been is a coma or some similar state since shortly after arriving to the hospital on June 10, here it is July 3rd, and the drs are saying we need to give her another 3-4 weeks, and put her in a nursing home when she stableizes!!!!!!!  I couldn't believe my ears!  I spent so much time biting my tongue so I wouldn't upset my brother and sister - I knew if I did say what I wanted, it would have had terrible repercussions.  I needed to preserve what's left of our family.

My Mom passed peacefully on July 20th, my sisters birthday, 8 days before mine.  WE burried her on the  25th, and I flew home on the 29th.  I gave the eulogy at the funeral mass, it was emotionally difficult and I did get choked up twice, but I continued and finished.  I am so glad I did it, I am so glad I was there for her to be her voice for what she wanted.  It was the least I could do for her, to make sure her wishes are carried out.

Life on the home front was difficult during my absence.  A friend moved in with us last year, and i entrusted her with the house, Glenn, the dog and a new fish.  All life forms are still alive, but there was some "difficulties" between Glenn and the friend.  And yes, I heard about it while I was away - just what I needed  lol.  The garden is a wreck - not much left of the tomato plants - I had 7!  Everything else is barely holding on.  The in ground fig tree is doing fairly well!!  The trees in cups from - I don't remember when!!  I think last year!!, are still in the same cups YIKES!!  They are alive, maybe I will get to up pot them labor day weekend.  A spare fridge in the garage died while I was away, I knew it was on it's way out - was just hoping for a couple of more months.  I HAD a lot of fig cuttings in there including the cuttings I purchased from Jon here at the forum, and a bunch I traded for.  The temp in there was over 80!!  I took the cuttings out, emptied it and put it to the curb.  I haven't even checked out the cuttings yet.  They aren't going anywhere, if they are still viable by labor day, I'll try something with them, if not - oh well, I could always get more cuttings.

So, this has been my worst summer, every summer from now on will be better
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Jo-Ann DFW TX, Zone 7b-8a Wish List: Black Madeira,, Kathleen's Black, Malta Black, Marseille VS Black, White Paradisio, LSU Scott's Black, Conadria, White Trianna, Marttineca Rimada, Excel, Peter's Honey, Bebera Preta (Abebereira), Strawberry Verte
Grasa

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Posted Reply with quote  #2 
Jo Ann, hang in there.  It is difficult, but sounds like you did what you could.   I am sorry for your loss.
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Grasa
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garden_whisperer

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Posted Reply with quote  #3 
So sorry for your loss and troubles, the night is darkest before the dawn. prayers your way for you and fam.

i am no dr but am a cna studying to become a nurse and hopfully one day a NP. there is no glory in a nursing home, i take pride in my job and provide the best care i can to those under my care. sadly in long term care homes there are far to few caregivers than those in need. and at the end it is the resident who loses. at home health care is the best way as one or two care givers have one on one time with the one needing the care. in the nursing home i take care of 24 people by myself in a single shift. basic needs taken care of, but still feel there is something lacking. at home health care tho better for the one in need, is hard on the family in many ways. so many opt out into nursing homes. 
dont get me wrong we do care and do the best we can, some homes are better than others. but one aid for 24 is a lot, and leaves alto undone. those we get close to in our care sadly slip away ether fast or slow, we are not allowed to mourn but must smile and keep going. .............. there are those that care even tho we are not allowed to show it. its buried deep inside with each ones passing, and we carry that passion on to those who remain and those who come.

prayers your way JO-ANN you need to talk we are here.

fall is around the corner, i am sure you will find cuttings your way.

Dave
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bfelth

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Posted Reply with quote  #4 
I am sorry for your loss
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Barbara Felthouse
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Posted Reply with quote  #5 
Sorry for your loss.
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Tonycm

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Posted Reply with quote  #6 
Jo-Ann, I'm truly sorry for your loss. Life is hard enough but I think you've had quite a bit more than your share of hardships this past year.

I'll be thinking of you and Glenn,
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BronxFigs

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Posted Reply with quote  #7 
JoAnn

Terribly sorry to read about the tragic ordeal that you and your family had to face. 

My prayers are with you, and I hope that you will find some peace and consolation.


Frank
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SoniSoni

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Posted Reply with quote  #8 
JoAnn, 
You can be proud you did the right thing by being your mother's advocate.   I'm sure this took a toll on you emotionally and in all ways.  Please take care of yourself now.   I hope you have some pleasant distractions to help your spirits.

 with love,  Soni
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Hershell

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Posted Reply with quote  #9 
Sorry for your loss JoAnn, sometimes life is a real challenge. You need some fig therapy.
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Hershell Zone 8. Ray City, Ga.
WillsC

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Posted Reply with quote  #10 
Yep that is one bad summer.  Sorry for your loss.  
FiggyFrank

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Posted Reply with quote  #11 
I'm sorry you've had such a hard year, JoAnn.  As you said, it can only get better from here.  Whenever you're ready to start back on figs, you know you can count on us to help you out.  Take good care.
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Frank
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Posted Reply with quote  #12 
I know it is Cliche, but time does in fact heal all wounds.  At least to some degree or other.  I went thru similiar circumstances with my dad.  My sisters are just now starting to talk with me again 10 yrs. later.  Things are better but not back to the point before.  Hoping you don't have to wait that long and will pray as you come to mind.  Often you come to mind when I check out the nice JoAnn Marroti family fig that I have thanks to your generosity.

Blessings to you and your family,
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goss
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twovkay

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Posted Reply with quote  #13 
I'm sorry for your loss and hope that time will heal your wounds.
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Von Northern VA 7a
DesertDance

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Posted Reply with quote  #14 
Jo-Ann, that was a hard summer indeed!  I am so sorry for your loss and for the chaos you met when you returned.  You are looking on the bright side now, and things will surely get back to normal.  I bet that puppy was glad to see you!

Hang in there!

Suzi
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Posted Reply with quote  #15 
Sorry for your loss,  keep your head up, like you said next summer will be better.
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elin

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Posted Reply with quote  #16 
Imagine being a doctor seeing sick people complaining and in pain all day,Doctors tend to be over- optimistic sometime- have to be in the reality we are living these days- car accidents, wars, cancer and now ebola.
I hope you keep yourself healthy and well in these rough times.
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