Bonjour Figuierists of the world!

I want to initiate a ranking of the weakest growing fig varieties out there.
It does not matter if common, smyrna, san pedro, LGBT or what kind of sexuality the variety has got. Just interested in the mere growth habit.

Please just post experience actually seen in your orchards from plants being there since several years and having enough neighbors of other varieties to make a valid comparison.
No "dice dictum" out of books and forums because they always just copy what others said before.

Too many variables to make a meaningful list.

What may be weak in one location could be very strong in another.

Sceptical about this quote. I think there is a close relation between variety and growth regardless of conditions. A seedling of an apple is 170% stronger than the varity M9. This may be 150% on a very sandy soil, or 190% on a perfect mighty soil with high precipation. But the difference definitly exists.

You are comparing a grafted apple to something on its own roots.  Not a valid comparison. 

Is M9 stronger, on it's own, in some locations than it is in others?

Yes, you even admit the variability. 

Is it different than just about any other of the couple thousand named apple varieties...yes.

Do all of those do well everywhere? No. 

To make the list meaningful, you need to break it down and get as specific as possible.  It needs to, minimally be segregated by climate zone/conditions, but region, soil type and a few other items would make it even better.

i can tell you, in my garden, colasante dark seems to lack the vigor of my other inground trees.
i may cull it for that reason.

Let's also throw in the FMV in the mix, and see how this comparison can be meaningful...

WTF

There are 2 figs I know that are cold hardy and slow growing and have compact growth. (Dalmatie and Pastilière).

The compact growth and slow growing I think are an advantage to cold tolerance since smaller tree to protect and the branches lignify and harden off faster.
In the case of Dalmatie the compact growth does not slow down or reduce production.
 My in ground Dalmaties are huge producers of extra large figs, super sweet and intense strawberry taste.

VDB is definitely a slower growing fig in my yard